Great story by the way, thanks for sharing!

I was encouraged at the last funeral I went to–usually funeral guests are given little packets of salt to ‘purify’ themselves of any negativity before entering their home. However, this time, there was a little pamphlet that said ‘we don’t distribute salt because there is no impurity from the dead’ or something like that. It was done by the Otani school (is that Jodo or Shin, I’m not sure). Anyway, FWIW.

That’s very interseting and explains a few things for me too. When our beloved pug died a few years ago (sadly just days after our little one was born), I wanted to scatter the ashes at some point, but my wife seemed really hesitant and we never followed through. He sits now in his little urn next to our makeshift altar at home (no proper Butsudan, as the ones in the U.S. are overpriced and shoddy, nor do we have the space), alongside my pet turtle who also died last year.

I’ve not experienced any Japanese funerals first-hand myself, but the temple here in the US has a large Japanese community that still has funerals there, and I’ve learned some things there too.

The notion of 戒名 seems strange to me in particular because in most cultures, when one formally becomes a Buddhist, they get a Dharma name of some kind at that point, not after they die, but I assume that since people in Japan are sort of born into Buddhism, rather than making a formal conversion effort, that may explain the discrepancy. In the end, a name is just a name. In the case of Zen temples, I’ve read about actual ordination ceremonies, taking the precepts, and even getting a lineage chart after death in some cases. Local practices will no doubt vary too.

My only knowledge comes from my father-in-law’s funeral last year.
I found the leaflets about clearing out possessions when the family all went shopping for a butsudan a day or so later (and for presents to give to those who came to the wake). Compared to the Catholic tradition it seemed much more matter of fact or part of life somehow. There were many traditions I’d never experienced before but my enduring memory would be my sister-in-law being very happy to be taking tou-san home in a box tied up in a white cloth on her lap in the taxi from the crematorium. (My in-laws were appalled at the idea of scattering ashes, or even just burying the deceased then going home.) Or my wife buying a present of chocolate for her father on the flight home. I didn’t understand it at the time and felt it was best not to question it. It was placed on the temporary butsudan for a day or so and then later we ate it.
I suppose my experience was much more of the secular rather than the religious which I didn’t quite understand. I do remember a sermon on tou-san’s 戒名 (you mentioned above) which unfortunately my Japanese wasn’t sufficient for.

That’s very interesting actually. I had no idea the practice still exists, but I actually only know bits and pieces of funerary practices, so that’s very helpful. As to whether these are Buddhist rites or not, I think it’s a local adaptation of certain Buddhist notions, but maybe not ‘canonical Buddhism’ per se. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong either thought, as religion in text has to adapt to religion in life, IMHO.

I’ve been wanting ot write a post on Japanese Buddhism and how it relates to funeral practices, but I admit I have only scattered informaiton to work on.