An Auspicious Day

I was reading an old copy of Ajahn Chah‘s book, Everything Arises, Every Falls Away, when I stumbled upon an old story he quotes from the Buddha. In the story, a meditation master is constantly in doubt, going to this teacher or that, seeking the right practice, then more doubt arises and he gives up the new practice he learns and starts over.

Sound familiar? It sounds like me in a lot of ways.

Then the master goes and meets the Buddha, but the Buddha tells him that another man cannot settle his doubt for him, he has to do it himself. He then states that the more one listens, the more doubt one has. He then elaborates and says that it’s better to sit down and observe the mind as it is now, rather than exhaust one’s self with listening to others.

Finally, he tells the master to discard his past. Whatever good he accomplished is done, whatever bad he accomplished is done. The future is not worth worrying about because it’s always uncertain.

Sadly, despite several efforts over the years, I can’t find which sutra this is, as the nature of the story definitely sounds like something out of the Pali Canon. However, I have rediscovered an old favorite sutra of mine that I haven’t read in a long time, the Bhaddekaratta Sutta (MN 131), or the Sutra of the Auspicious Day.

In this sutra, the Buddha gives the following verses:

You shouldn’t chase after the past
or place expectations on the future.
What is past is left behind.
The future is as yet unreached.
Whatever quality is present
you clearly see right there, right there.
Not taken in,
unshaken,
that’s how you develop the heart.
Ardently doing
what should be done today,
for — who knows? — tomorrow death.
There is no bargaining
with Mortality and his mighty horde.

Whoever lives thus ardently,
relentlessly
both day and night,
has truly had an auspicious day:
so says the Peaceful Sage. [The Buddha]

Thus my problem is twofold. First, I spend a lot, a lot of time worrying if I am following the right practices, if I will become enlightened someday, or if I am making the right choices. The more I stretch myself into the future, the more weary I become. At the same time, I stretch myself further and further back in time, worrying about the mistakes I have made thus far in my practice, wearying myself even more so.

My second mistake is, as the Buddha states, I expect others to solve it for me. I remember a very cool quote from Frank Herbert’s book, Dune Messiah, where Duncan Idaho says:

The greatest palatinate earl and the lowliest stipendiary serf share the same problem. You cannot hire a mentat or any other intellect to solve it for you. There’s no writ of inquest or calling of witnesses to provide answers. No servant — or disciple — can dress the wound. You dress it yourself or continue bleeding for all to see.

How easily I’ve forgotten this! I have everything I need right here to solve this issue, if I’d just stop worrying about the past and future, and just see what good I can effect now.

The past is done. All my mistakes and accomplishments are gone.

The future is simply unknowable. What is the use of worrying about the long-term results of this Buddhist practice or that?

Why should worry about my identity in this Buddhist school or that. As the Buddha taught in the Maha-Rahulovada Sutta (MN 62): ‘This is not mine. This is not my self. This is not what I am.’

So, I sat down in meditation this evening and just meditated zazen-style, mulling this stuff over in my mind, letting it go. I can’t say today was an auspicious day, but it was an auspicious meditation.

Namuamidabu

P.S. I actually started up zazen meditation again about 4 days ago, but with some helpful changes. More on that in a later post.