Being a foreigner in Japan

Anyone who’s lived or even visited a country that’s relatively different can appreciate this point I hope. I’ve been enjoying my week here in Japan with family and gradually getting over jet-lag. Sadly, I haven’t been able to make any interesting visits and such yet, apart from the drug store and children’s toy store. ;)

However, being out and about again in Japan, I notice that already I feel self-conscious again. I say this because I am six-feet, 180cm tall and over 100kg so I am pretty big, and I stand out like a sore thumb. Anyone in Japan must know that feeling of being stared at a lot. Of course, my wife felt exactly the same way in Ireland where Asian people were still pretty uncommon, and people stared at her a lot too. She gets stared at in the US too, outside of Seattle where Asian people are pretty commonplace, so for her it’s just part of living in the West. When I was a student in Hanoi, Vietnam in 2001, the stares and such were far worse than anything I’ve ever experienced in Japan, as my ethnicity, relative wealth (and big tummy) were impossible to ignore. It was so out of place there, how could one expect any different? While some people tried to exploit my relative wealth there, there were also many examples of people genuinely curious and well-meaning too.

Anyway, being something of a perfectionist, I tend to be pretty hard on myself for not speaking Japanese better or blending in more effectively. A year of intense study for the JLPT and general interest has improved some skills, especially reading, but I still struggle with conversation a lot since that’s a skill that requires constant interaction with other people as oppose to self-study. So, today, while at the most excellent Mos Burger chain,1 my wife prodded me to do the ordering. She wanted me to practice my Japanese, and I spent 10 minutes of mental hell standing in line, preparing for the ordeal, my face getting warm, and so on. Thankfully I survived the gauntlet and enjoyed an excellent lunch, but I felt terribly embarrassed. I guess I am worried about looking stupid or like a clueless, ignorant foreigner as well as annoying the locals with my bad Japanese.2 But, when I make a mistake culturally or linguistically, I still tend to be really hard on myself, and wonder if I’ll ever be good enough.

But as I sat with the family at Mos Burger, I realized the whole issue is kind of selfish and relative. When I complained to my wife about my poor Japanese, she just remarked “what do you expect?” and she is right. I didn’t grow up there, and started learning things late, so it’s silly to expect perfection. By the same token, many kids in Asia who grow up wanting to come to the US and speak fluent English may go through similar feelings of inadequacy or be unrealistic to themselves.

Then I remembered the wonderful little poem by Kaneko Misuzu about the bird and bell, and realized that each person is OK in their own relative way. In Japan, I may stand out and struggle to communicate, but in another setting like the US, I blend in fine. It’s really depends on the circumstance, background and so on. Naturally it’s impossible to be all things to all people; I just am what I am, no more no less. Instead, I can only make the best effort I can in light of my relative existence, my relative background, and leave up the rest to karma or whatever.

I am sure people have gone through similar feelings when living abroad, and such, but I am something of a slow learner. :)

As Buddhism shows, we all live in relative existence to one another, so no one thing is perfect in its own right, but the totality of this existence, this inter-relationship, is exquisite beyond words.

Namu Amida Butsu

P.S. More on the notion of “gaijin”.

1 If Mos Burger ever makes a concerted effort to get into the US market, I believe they’ll quickly trounce existing fast-food chains. The food is so much better, cleaner, healthier and has viable vegetarian options (the fries alone are pretty addicting).

2 I have heard of many examples of foreigners who live in Japan and make no effort to learn the language, or adapt to the culture out of sheer laziness. No doubt similar people exist in the West from other parts of the world.

About Doug

A Buddhist, father and Japanophile / Koreaphile.
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7 Responses to Being a foreigner in Japan

  1. arunlikhati says:

    Conversation usually improves in certain content areas. For example, when ordering food there’s usually a relatively standard set of expressions and routines/“scripts” with small tweaks from establishment to establishment. It may help to gauge your conversational ability by focusing on improving certain types of interactions–otherwise a broader judgment of your Japanese competency will mask the progress you make in specific areas. From what you write, I get the sense that your competency is better than you seem to think it is–you just don’t yet have as full an inventory of experience, such that you can quickly recognize and even expect what people are going to say. But remember the 10,000 hours rule: you are what you do every day. Keep up the good work! Before you know it, you’ll probably be writing classic Japanese science fiction novels!

  2. Tornadoes28 says:

    I know that feeling well and I am quite used to the stares now. I really stick out though as I’m 6’3″ (190.5cm) and my wife’s family lives in a relatively small town in rural Tochigi about 4 hours north of Tokyo. I can spend 2 or 3 weeks there and never see another foreigner. In a way I like it.

  3. Rory says:

    Doug; certain things require certain vocabulary; food, Buddhism all are special things, so don’t kick yourself.

    I lived in Paris, had French since I was 6 yrs old. Guess what I went to the hairdresser & for the life of me couldn’t say “when you cut it; watch out for my two cowlicks in back & I like to wear my hair wavy..” ;-) that was a special dictionary moment.

  4. Doug says:

    Hi guys sorry for the late reply:

    Arun: the 10,000 rule is awesome. I’ve heard it used in the context of meditation but not language but it makes a lot of sense. By yeah in general it requires a lot of polishing and polishing to make things better. I just get frustrated during conversations where I feel especially dumb. :-/

    Tornadoes yeah I know that feeling too. I don’t want to just be another Tokyo expat who doesn’t venture out much in the culture. So it’s nice when you can really immerse for a time. But yesterday I saw a fellow in a Tokyo train station who just had the dress, style and swagger of someone who had been in Tokyo for a long time, in a good way (well-adapted), so there’s hope for us all. :-)

    Rory Special vocabulary indeed. ;-) A whole languages worth.

  5. Adam says:

    Being a foreigner in Japan is both a blessing and a curse. Getting stared at daily is annoying, but getting free drinks and attention from pretty people is great. Who’s going to buy you drinks all night long back home?

  6. Jonathan says:

    Thanks for sharing your experiences here; this is very thoughtful and well-written. I find your final sentence in this posting quite beautiful: “As Buddhism shows, we all live in relative existence to one another, so no one thing is perfect in its own right, but the totality of this existence, this inter-relationship, is exquisite beyond words.” I’ve traveled in Europe where my own “foreignness” is visually and linguistically “obvious” at first glance, and the little nuances of interpersonal exchanges can reveal much about attitudes of the “guest” as well as the “visitor.”

  7. Doug says:

    Replying very late but…

    Adam: yeah there are definitely pros and cons. The staring actually doesn’t bother me much as I am pretty used to it now. The free stuff is nice though. When people try to practice English with me that is a little frustrating but I guess I understand.

    John: well said, well said. I imagine there were both very good times and bad I’m the EU.

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