The Best Laid Plans…

Sometimes it’s good to be humbled. It hurts at the time, but it does bring a nice sense of clarity so often lacking in our day to day lives.

Lately, the blog has been suffering from some gaffes, requiring corrections, or blog posts taken down. Some were Buddhist related, some where related to Japan-themed articles. The point is, as life has gotten busy in the physical world, quality control has been suffering on the blog as of late, and I take full blame for that.

Also, in my path as a Buddhist, it’s been a humbling. Though fresh from Japan and very enthusiastic, my Buddhist practice lay-practice has started to suffer from procrastination and apathy again. I eluded to this in a recent post, but even my home lay practice there has now lost steam. I feel the problem is not due to a lack of interest in Buddhism, but somehow Buddhist practice isn’t a priority in my life these days. It’s not something to be proud of since I write on the subject so much, but I observe in myself the tendency to do other things first (blog, study for certification test, reading books, mess around) first before even doing a simple 1-2 minute recitation. Obviously, if I took Buddhism seriously, the question would be how to fit other things in my life, not the other way around.

I guess I am more interested in reading and writing about Buddhism than actually putting it into practice. Again, not something I am proud of. It’s definitely a sign of my own glaring hypocrisy. I am reminded of Honen’s famous last-testament, the One Sheet Document:

Even if those who believe in the nembutsu study the teaching which Shakyamuni taught his whole life, they should not put on any airs and should sincerely practice the nembutsu, just as an illiterate fool, a nun or one who is ignorant of Buddhism.

Although I may not agree with Honen in some areas, I think he hits up on a good point here, and worth reminding myself.

So, in the face of blog mediocrity and flailing Buddhist practice, I need to get my act together. A great tech talk about “Inbox Zero” shows how each day is like an empty box, and we have to decide given a large number of blocks, what we want to put in the box.1 Some blocks are for sleep, some for work, food, etc, etc, and you can just only cram so many blocks in that blocks. Life without sleep isn’t an option either. ;)

I had to cut back on some things already. I quit the Jodo Shinshu Correspondence Course last week officially after submitting a withdrawal form. I had a good talk with the people there about this, and some disagreements I had with the course format and structure, but in the end, my coursework was getting further and further behind, and I wasn’t making it a priority, so I had to finally withdraw. It sucks; I would have liked to complete the course at least, but I could tell halfway through my heart just wasn’t in it anymore, and it’s no one’s fault but my own.

My studies in the JLPT have also suffered as of late. Anki sits idle lately, and I never listen to Japanese anymore apart from what my daughter watches on TV,2 so you can see it’s a bigger trend.

When I go back and read my last post in 2009, I think I might have been a bit unrealistic, and am now really burned out. Of the four goals I listed, I might only achieve one of them this year (the RHCE exam), while the rest will either happen next year, or never.

So, the best laid plans don’t always work out in real life. It’s good to know one’s limits.

As for me, I got some thinking to do. I do have some small changes planned for the blog:

  • Sticking with more familiar subjects, avoiding those I really can’t speak to.
  • Properly citing sources better.
  • Maintaining more focus, and adhering to schedule better.

For Buddhism, and other projects, I definitely need to trim down things in my life quite a bit and decide which one thing (or two) matters enough to carry it to fruition. This has always been a challenge of mine, and it’s good to sit down and seriously think about it.

To all those who I’ve annoyed, or offended over the recent months or weeks, please accept my apologies. :)

1 Great video by the way. It really works, and my email inbox both at work and at home never looked better. That at least, is one thing I can be proud of this year.

2 Watching Shimajiro, a famous kids cartoon, actually does teach you a lot of good, basic Japanese, and reinforces basic lessons for the JLPT. It’s easy enough to follow through, but pretty challenging too, and the stories are cute. My little girl certainly loves the TV show. :)


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14 Comments on “The Best Laid Plans…”

  1. johnl says:

    I think most of us look forward to just about anything you put up here. If you make some goofs in Japanese language, or about Buddhism, well–we are all human! You are tackling the Japanese language starting as an adult, so it is a given that you will make mistakes. When you make a Buddhism-related goof, it can be a blessing if it attracts the attention of experts like Rev Eijo! As for practice–I think we have to find the fine line between expecting perfection from an ordinary human, versus always trying to improve. Maybe one approach is: don’t tear yourself apart about mistakes in the past, just look forward to doing better from now on. I am in the same boat, by the way.

  2. eijo says:

    I enjoy reading your blog Doug, and its the only blog I bother to read for that matter. Your insights are good, and I thought you had done quite an outstanding job of researching many of your topics. On some topics that require ultra-specialized knowledge, there’s no shame in getting things a little mixed up, especially if you were led in that direction for some reason. And there’s certainly no blame in not having access to all the reference materials in Japanese. Nobody was born knowing this stuff, we all just have to work at it. Its just like John said! So don’t get too despondent over what may have seemed like a “bad blog day” to you, but not at all to your readers!

    Regarding practice, don’t be surprised to learn that everybody is/gets lazy, and everybody tells themselves “I have to do more___!” all the time, without ever doing what they think is enough. We all have to be stricter with ourselves, but only at the level that is possible and sustainable for each of us right now.

    And Buddhist practice is not limited to chanting or meditating. What you are doing is a fine form of practice.

  3. Marcus says:

    Hi Doug,

    Sorry to hear you’re feeling stressed! I know this will sound dumb (or preachy!) but why not just stop. Follow a single breath. Smile. Follow another. And start afresh! :)
    And no need to worry about your blog and its quality – I’m sure it will always be a great read for as long as it is you that’s writing it. Your passion and kindness and dedication shine through every post.

    All the best mate,

    Marcus _/\_

  4. Kyōshin says:

    Hi Doug, if you have been following my blog you’ll know I’ve been through a broadly similar situation recently … losing some focus and confusing my path. Realising it, or having it pointed out, is bruising but as the other commenters have said it is also a part of practice and a positive opportunity. In a way becoming aware of it is already the beginning of knowing what to do next. Anyway my thoughts are with you as you re-assess and redirect you energies. All the best, K

  5. Tornadoes28 says:

    I am definitely not an expert on the various forms of Buddhism and one of my biggest questions has always been how much practice and what type of practice is correct. I have read about various Zen masters who have stated regarding zazen that just do what one can, even if it is only a minute or two. Any zazen is better than no zazen. I believe this is the same with nembutsu as well. It is not the amount of practice but rather the faith or belief in your practice.

    regarding your Japanese language training, you have accomplished far more than many who have wanted to learn the language, me included. Learning a language is extremely difficult, especially the older you are. And I would know. :)

    So don’t feel too bad.

  6. Doug says:

    Hello Everyone, and thank you for the warm replies. It’s very encouraging. :)

    Johnl: Previously, I was fairly strict about re-reading posts days after writing them to ensure it still looked and sounded “ok”, but lately I’ve been remiss on that. I think I should still be a little more diligent, but indeed it’s not the end of the world. :)

    Rev. Eijo Thanks very much. Your point about “sustainable” practice is very helpful, and good to bear in mind. The mind expects one thing, but reality is a whole other matter. :)

    Marcus: I suppose I am not so much stressed (no more than usual), but more disappointed about my declining diligence with projects and blog. Good to take a break from time to time though. :)

    Kyoushin: Thanks very much. Reading it in another person’s life is one matter, but seeing it in yourself is another, especially when you tend to be your own worst critic. I suppose that’s an issue we all face though. :)

    Tornado28 Good point about the “do what you can do” with regard to zazen. I’ve been told by Zen teachers online that no Zen Buddhist worth his salt will meditate for less than 15min. a day, but I think more and more it has to be done as appropriate to one’s situation. Everyone has different karmic background and circumstances. :)

    Speaking of “as appropriate”, that’s the topic of a blog post coming Sunday regarding Myoe Koben.

  7. Tornadoes28 says:

    I read a very, very good book called Living and Dying in Zazen. The Zen master’s from the book stated that even a minute of zazen is good. I don’t recall their names. I would have to go look it up but it is a very interesting book.

  8. Doug says:

    Hm, I’ll have to check that one out. There’s another really good book on Rinzai Zen I brought back from Japan (bilingual edition) that I wanted to write about, time permitting.

  9. Kyōshin says:

    “been told by Zen teachers online that no Zen Buddhist worth his salt will meditate for less than 15min. a day”

    It’s a shame if they expressed this in such a dogmatic way. However the reason that they stress this period of time is practical. It’s after roughly this period of time in zazen that the body-mind system starts to naturally settle down of its own accord. Discovering this is a real confidence booster but you do have to sit long enough to discover it ‘kicking in’. This is not to say though that one minute of zazen is without value, indeed I think just taking the posture of the Buddha is a precious ritual act.

  10. Robert says:

    Hang in there!
    I always find what you write interesting.
    I don’t notice the mistakes in your Buddhism posts, (as I don’t know much about Buddhism!), but I can still draw inspiration from it. Likewise your Japanese posts. I see them as you sharing your experience of learning.

    I’m surprised you can find the time for anything when raising a small child!

    Your post made me think of ( and start to re-read) Zen 24/7 by Phillip Toshio Sudo.
    http://users.maui.net/~zen_gtr/z247.html
    Which expounds the idea of finding “practices” and meditation in everyday mundane tasks by being mindful when performing those tasks. Which in turn makes me think of the meditation inherent in the meticulous care that monks can take in tending temple gardens.

  11. McAlpine says:

    Keep posting. I like your vibe!

  12. Doug says:

    Hi kyoushin: that makes a lot of sense. I suppose if the practice gets established enough, then fifteen minutes or more becomes more and more feasible. Getting to that point is still a work in progress.

  13. Doug says:

    Thanks very much, Robert. It is hard to find the time, but it has a momentum of it’s own so hard to stop. That and life got easier when learned to write posts in a fixed schedule.

  14. Doug says:

    Hi McAlpine and welcome to the JLR! Thanks for the kind mention on Alexa, too. ;-)


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