Japanese Manners: knowing your place

Japan has quite a reputation for politeness and even when dating my wife, I had to learn to adapt to a more hierarchical way of thinking, even toward her friends. Fortunately this concept is actually not too hard to adapt too and has some simple principles underlying it that I felt were worth exploring.

If you ask me, much of the this hierarchical thinking is deeply rooted in the teachings of Confucius and the Confucian movement over the centuries. Confucius felt that if everyone did their part, society as a whole would prosper, though the burden was on the ruler to provide clean, virtuous government first and foremost.1 Confucius divided people into well-established relationships such as child to parent, subject to ruler, student to teacher, elder and younger brothers, etc. Fostering mutually beneficial relationships with those around you benefited society as a whole. Ideally, students should respect and listen to their teacher, while teachers were expected to be good role models and effective teachers. Elders should be respected the younger generation, and the younger generation could expect guidance and assurance that they too would be looked after by generations to come.

And so it carries over even in the modern world of East Asia. Everybody is expected to contribute to the communal good, and hierarchy is seen as something mutually beneficial, not one-sided. At its best, such a system is mutually beneficial and brings social cohesion; at its worst, it’s a childish kind of pecking order, and no doubt anyone who’s lived in Asia will have seen examples of both. Then again, if everyone was perfect we probably wouldn’t need religion, would we?

You see hierarchy in the Japanese business world for example where people are often promoted by seniority and the new guys gets all the menial tasks like planning outings, etc. But as he or she puts time into the company things gradually change. This is known as nenkō jorestu (年功序列) among other terms.

For people marrying into Japanese culture this also means also that in-laws are entitled to a certain level of respect than you might not have given your own parents. Even when the parents are obnoxious and stubborn, they are still at least gain a grudging respect less commonly found in the West. But to their credit, they are less likely to simply abandon their parents in a nursing home later in life, though that too is gradually changing. Thankfully, my in-laws have been pretty cool and I get along well with them, so I actually can’t complain, and its taught me to foster more respect for my own as well, especially after Baby was born a few years ago (wow, time flies!).

Although I am primarily writing about Japan here, I know from first-hand experience hierarchy and reverence for elders is an important aspect of Korean culture too, as I grew up with a lot of Korean friends and immigrants in my neighborhood.

Anyway, going back to business, things like seating arrangements or standing in the elevator also reflect hierarchy in a particular group. In my dealings with vendors in Japan and business trips, I can vouch for the common-sense rules explained below.

A simple set of diagrams, inspired by my trusty cultural guidebook will help illustrate (apologies for the bad ASCII art):

On an elevator:

The most junior person is expected to stand in the least desirable spot, near the elevator door and button, while the senior person stands in the back corner behind the junior person, which is the least intrusive spot as people get in and out. Or as the book explained it:

(door)
3 4
2 1

Where “4″ is the most junior and “1″ is the most senior.

At a dinner table at a restaurant:

When sitting down at a dinner table especially in a private room, the most senior people all sit with their back to the Tokonoma alcove. Of these people, the most senior sits in the middle. On the more “junior” side, the most senior sits in the middle, and the most junior of all sits with their back to the door. Again, the book explains like so:

Tokonoma
2 1 3
Table
5 4 6
---->(door)

Again “1″ is the most senior, while “6″ is the junior.

Anyway, you can see a pattern. Once again, a kind of pecking-order tends to be in effect for business, whereby the more senior are entitled to more privilege, while the more junior people simply have to put up with it. Ideally, this is a way of showing deference to those above you, and of course if you put in your time with the company long enough, you’ll be in the “number 1″ position in time. I know from working in I.T. in American corporations a pecking-order exists too, though it’s just less formalized than what we see here.

Being sensitive to this though will help a person interact better with people in Japan. Foreigners can often get away with slip-ups and honest mistakes (myself for sure), and I know of foreigners in Japan who completely took advantage of it too because they were just lazy. But if you can make an effort to understand and go along with it, I promise you you will make a better impression in the long-run.

1 To quote the Analects of Confucius (translated here by Prof. Muller):

[2:1] Confucius said: “If you govern with the power of your virtue, you will be like the North Star. It just stays in its place while all the other stars position themselves around it.”

…among many other examples.


One blogger likes this post.

4 Comments on “Japanese Manners: knowing your place”

  1. hfinity says:

    I find this politeness that Japanese have for their surroundings something to be of great virtue. I have been studying their language and culture for some time now and all I can say is that of all other cultures that I have studied, Japan is what I value the most.

    The difference in Japanese behavior and western behavior is something that disturbs me, I would be more happier if people around me were more polite. I try to be from time to time but most of the times I either get a disturbing look back or just nothing at all. When I get something good back I feel so much lighter and happier.

    Using politeness when interacting with 日本人 is an easy task really. I wish other countrys would learn more to be polite like that.

  2. Doug M says:

    Hello and welcome to the JLR!

    My experiences with Japan have been limited, since I’ve married into the culture, but largely live in the US, but yes I do find the cultural admirable for its politeness. However, sometimes as my wife points out, the politeness can be a substitute for being genuine and a hindrance at times. It really depends more on the individual than the culture as plenty of rotten Japanese people can still be polite. It’s nice, but if the heart is rotten, it means little, and I’ve seen some pretty rotten Japanese people in my brief times there. Hence my cautious statement about how the respect for hierarchy can either be something with noble intentions or just a childish pecking order.

    People who have lived there longer can probably attest to this too.

    Still, I admire Japanese for being more conscious of their surroundings, people and their neighborhood than my experiences in the US and in Europe. Though on the other hand, I’ve seen examples of really blatant disregard too, and my wife admires the more eco-conscious culture we experienced in the E.U. more at times.

    It would be nice though if the Japanese politeness would rub off on the West more though, combine it with some of the positive traits the West has to offer, and I think a beautiful culture might flourish.

    I am also reminded of my grandmother, who’s a sweet old Lutheran lady from Kansas. She definitely learned politeness growing up, still writes letters by hand to people, avoids saying bad things about people and is loved by her neighbors. She’s not Japanese in anyway, but a good example of what the West could be like if we only reinforced such positive traits more.

  3. Kendall says:

    One aspect of Japanese culture I feel the US could use is with the schools. From what I’ve seen, Japanese students show much more respect for their teachers and the school itself. The students play a larger role at the school and help keep it clean. If kids in the US had more of a role (and stake) in the school it would increase their likeliness to do and act better in school. In addition, it would hopefully bring out better behavior and attitudes from the teachers.

    Though, at the other end, I find the Japanese put too much pressure on excelling at academics, to the point of creating unhealthy levels of stress on kids. That part I could do without.

  4. Doug 陀愚 says:

    Hi Kendall, I totally agree on both counts. The lack of structure and respect in American schools is quite a problem as is excessive pressure in Japanese schools. It makes us worried about what we will do to get out daughter in school.


Leave a Reply

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo
Twitter picture

You are commenting using your
Twitter account. (Log Out)

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your
Facebook account. (Log Out)

Connecting to %s